Friday, May 19, 2017
Our children have been home with us for over 7 years now. I would LOVE to say that everything has worked out but that is not the case! Our daughter Alison is doing well but has so many issues with developing relationships. She is a loner and spends most of her time in her room. She is very sweet and tries very hard but I am worried about her future. Our son Jayson is a whole other story. I don't even know where to begin! He is a habitual liar (about the silliest things) he is constantly stealing from others and has a hard time with sexual issues. Touching people inappropriately and sneaking to watch porn. He does not care about consequences and who he hurts to get what he wants. We have sent him to military school hoping to develop character and structure in his life...it was a FAIL! He has been to numerous counselors and psychiatrists...another FAIL! He has been in and out of jail, got kicked out of a group home and now once again in jail!! Jayson is a Sociopath. There is no way to help him. Regardless of how much we love him, how much we give him, how much we support him....FAIL! He turned 18 in March and has decided to go back to his birth mom. He leaves this month. So, I just want to warn others out there that are considering adoption....this could happen to you! It could be a FAIL! These older children come with such baggage...such hurt..such damage! They can destroy a family within months! I have had lost sleep because he would sneak out of the house during the night to steal from neighbors, use my credit cards for Xbox purchases and pornography;I would stay up at night to catch him in the act. My marriage was so damaged from the constant arguing. I almost lost my job from so much time off work for court hearings, school problems, doctor's appointments and the night's that he would run away. We locked our bedroom door at night because we were fearful of him and did not know when he might snap and we would end up dead. It is UGLY! It is EXHAUSTING! It is DAMAGING! If adoption is in your heart just know that these kids are not coming to you with hearts to love you. They are coming with hearts to "use you". Some of these children are incapable of loving! That is just the hard truth! Some cases have worked out but most of the families that I know who have adopted are struggling with these same issues....some worse than what we have experienced! Another family we are close to has had so many problems with their adopted son. He has pushed the birth mother down the stairs, put the father's toothbrush in the cat litter and the father ended up with a severe stomach parasite! They had to secretly install camera's to watch his every move! Oh, and he tried to burn down their house! Please really pray and consider the things I mentioned before adopting! We are a Godly family and wanted to give children a future but instead......they destroyed ours! Our older kids stopped coming over to visit. They started despising these children for what they were doing to us! Our family was ripped to shreds! If you have younger biological children I suggest you do NOT adopt older children! It is JUST NOT SAFE!
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Howdy to all, We are approaching the 6 year mark! So very hard to believe!! Alison and Jayson are starting their 2nd semester as Sophomores! There has been a lot of discussion about college, military, careers in our home lately. I think both kids are excited to think of their futures but also scared to be on their own! Jayson attended a Military based school last semester which was able to give him the structure, discipline are respect that he needed so desperately. We have seen some changes in him since he has returned home....positive changes of course! Our adoption agency is hosting children from Ukraine again this year and I am excited to see how many children find forever homes! The last six years have been a hard but exciting journey for us all but I would do it all over again! Just know if you decide to adopt older children, HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP! It helps to be able to talk to others that are going through the same experiences!
Thursday, June 18, 2015
We have now had our children for 5 1/2 years and I wish I could tell you that things are so much easier. To an extent, they are easier but the struggles are just different. My sweet Alison is just amazing. She is not the same little shy girl we brought home. She will be a sophomore next school year and is so beautiful. She wanted a job at the end of the school year so we sat down and applied for our local McDonald's and they hired her!! She has been working a little over three weeks now and received her first paycheck! She is saving for a car. She plans on attending a beauty school the second semester of her Junior year but states it is just a "fall back job" because she is going to college! Jayson will also be a Sophomore but we have decided to send him to a different school. He has been really struggling with discipline and direction. He always wants to "be in charge" and does not respect our role as parents. He is such a sweet loving boy but has not been open about his past experiences and I feel he has a lot of hurt that he is not dealing with. This school will give him structure, discipline and a one on one education. The only downfall is that he will stay there 24-7 for 5 1/2 months! We will not have any contact with him!! It is a military based program. He has expressed interest in the military so I think this will be a good thing for him. It's just hard for my heart to except that he will not be around for awhile. So, life is moving right along and we are watching our children grow up! Brandon is our oldest (29) and he has purchased his own home and I am hoping he will be proposing to a sweet girl soon! Trent is/was the baby of the family until Jayson came along. He will be turning 26 the end of this month. He was married in October and his wife Hillary is such a blessing to our family. They bought a home as well and to be honest, we do not see our older children that often. Since they purchased homes, they have been pretty busy mowing grass, planting flowers, building decks and everything else that comes along with home ownership! So even though my heart misses them so, I am so thankful they are moving along in their adult lives! Hoping for a grandchild very, very soon!!
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Wow! It has been 4 years since we brought our precious children home! They have changed so much since the day we stepped off the plane. I am amazed everyday by their transformation. The years have been gone so by quickly but yet so slowly! What I mean by this is that it has been a hard four years!! Adopting older children in a really hard process and adopting foreing children is even harder. Combining the two is next to impossible at times. Thank goodness we had the support of family and friends but most importantly GOD! Both Jayson and Alison are now in their second semester of their 8th grade year. Soon to be highschool students! They struggle with education. Alison with math and Jay with English/Reading. They have however made great strides! They still have issues with friendships and "fitting in" and I hope this changes for them soon. I hate to see them being made fun of and not being included! Breaks my heart!! Todd and I have done our best to keep God the center of their world and I hope they can continue to learn to lean on Him!! Jayson continues to play basketball, run cross country and soccer seems to be his favorite sport. Ali loves to read and dance, spends alot of time in her room enjoying her peace and quiet. She just got glasses and was amazed at how well she could see.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Hello All! It has been so long since I have posted on this blog. We are going on 2 1/2 years now that our sweet new additions have been part of our family!! Trust me, there were days throughout this journey that I DID NOT really feel that they were sweet! Finally, we have been through the rough patches and are settling in to feeling like a family. I love love love them soooo much and am amazed at the accomplishments they have made is a few short years. Next week starts their 7th grade year at Triton. Alison spent the summer in band camp and is part of the TCHS Color Guard team. She went everyday without complaining and has improved so much. Jayson played soccer for the first time and loved it. He will now start practicing for the TCMS 7th grade football team. This should be interesting. So, for all that are still reading my blog or come accross it by accident, adopting older children is NOT an easy task. It takes alot of prayer, patience, and perhaps an occassional ZANAX (just kidding). But trust me, it is completely worth it! We have loved to watch the changes in them and hearing them tell us they love us is sweet words to my ears. They did not understand the concept of love at all when they first came to America. Now, the love just shines through them. Blessings to All!